EDIT: and this was not it after all.
for i have found what really matters to me.
this time, no delusions.
for real.
here we go again.
from deep within.
the feelings that were once lost.
start to emerge once more.
back to clutch my heart,
or to haunt it.
i do not know yet.
i have changed.
i myself am fully aware.
but in the end the outcome might still be the same.
at least now,
my heart has hardened.
and i don't yearn for it as badly as i used to.
for the end of the beginning,
is merely the beginning of the end.
i will try and i will see.
should i fail or succeed.
i'll accept it either way.